Pilot (2001)

Release Date: January 1, 2001
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You’ve got a story to tell
and a place to come home to
Yet, you choose to hide
Do you feel safer out here
where no one will be watching
or do you fear the light

I am calling you
I am watching you
I walk with you
I play like you
Unafraid and blue

I hear them whipping the mule
as they follow the coffin
destined for the field
The mourners behind
I see you’re walking amongst them
I know you need my voice

All these familiar faces
all gathered around the open mouth
I see your shadow down there
– but then it’s gone

Dark as the colour of a river
I taste your name
Roll it around my tongue
Dark as the colour of a river
I sense there’s danger
That does not hinder me

I take you in
before I realise
and I breathe with you
before I realise

Like a lover
down the river
Like the stories never told
Like a mirror
of the river
with you I see myself

Dark as the colour of a river
you’re coming closer
I dare not even speak
Dark as the colour of a river
I see you’re trembling
I reach out my hand

No regrets
they’re wasted anyway
Turn around
I’m not here to harm you

I know when you are hurting
Your pain is mine
Let me carry you through the morning mist
and on to the bridge
Let us talk about the hard times
find shelter in my hands
Give your thoughts some rest
as there are two of us tonight

Never fly away
until you have tried everything
Give it one more day
good things lie in wait
Hold on to yourself
you know that the wind will change

I cannot be your eyes
but I will try to make you see
that beauty lies underneath your skin
This fight is yours to win
A piece of this moment
is all it will ever take
Stay afloat and stay right here
Be as one with me

Nothing tastes as sweet now
as it once did
In time you know it will

What if I told you
straight to your face
What if I told you
nothing at all
Cover it with make-up
hiding all the bruises
No one shall notice
no one shall know

Why can’t you hear me no more
Hear when I whisper your name
Hear why I feel so ashamed
Hear when I silence my tears

What if I pointed
a gun to your head
What if I pulled the trigger
You do deserve it
all the hurt you can get
Besides no one shall notice
No one shall know

All I want
is to step outside into the mist
With bare feet
underneath the other side of the sun
It will be
a ferry waiting there for me
to take me across
It merely holds one chair

I know I must loose you
It’s not that I have not got faith
But I have got some stuff to do
and people who need seeing too
and I must build a world of snow

Close your eyes
it will be less painful naturally
And you should know
that nothing ever stays the same
especially all the things we build in snow
like castles, horses, men and cities

I just want to lay myself down
Drink the illusions and let it all float
away into the river of voices
One of them will speak and tell me where to go

I packed up my thoughts and visions
Headed for the light on the other side
Although consoling was a myth
the tunnel was a con
I ran – but I never turned back

I have deported my own life
into this foolish splendour
I have brought the beauty of a soul
Cold and dark as the last day
is the image of the dream
that made it all worth while
in exile

If there is a sign out there hiding
come to me now or forever hold your peace
You’ll find me in my room in the guesthouse
riding clouds that are hard to please

When there is a fight I will be there
It feels so good to do what one should not do
and I play I gamble and stay
I look – but i never turn back

You just want to strip me
off of who I am
Divide me into pieces
and then you can decide
what it is you want
A heart, a mind, a fuck
If it’s all the same to you
I’ll choose instead

It’s a close race, close race
You’re pushing the buttons now
as fast as you can
Close race, close race
Now it’s time to understand
and leave you, leave you
Stranded here
A pilot with no plane

My parachute will open
while yours will fail
And it doesn’t really matter
if your crash-helmet is on
I’ll just light another
of your cigarettes
And the ghosts that haunt this house
will slowly fade away

Behind my new face
I’m the same as I’ve always been
Wondering how you are
if I am your mother still
I’m wearing the denim dress
and my hair in the same way
I want you to remember
and to keep me alive

This time of year
I’d give my life to live
Out there with you
and watch you smile in your sleep

I see you across the room
I fear that I cannot even breathe
Oh gosh, how you have grown
you’re nearly as tall as myself
I want everyone to notice
just how proud you make me feel
Instead I say nothing
and then you head for the door

You’ve got the shock
You’ve got the crying
You’ve got the guilt
You’ve got the house
I have got leaving on my side

You’ve got rock bottom
You’ve got the people
You’ve got the winter
You’ve got the penance
I have got leaving on my side

The upper hand
The promised land
If nothing counts
and if something is nothing
I’ve got leaving on my side
It counts for something
If nothing is something
I’ve got leaving on my mind

It counts if nothing counts

Beautiful morning
How can you greet me
like that you never used to know me before
Beautiful morning
smiling all softly
Like an ally or lover
How can you do that
You should know better by now
But I believe things always change
Maybe this time

You come with the sun
I never thought that the sun
would shine around here
I never thought that the sun
would be my friend

Beautiful morning
I’m not a mother
All I possessed
I have given away
Beautiful morning
do you still want me
Right now I’m counting
hours of the day and the days of the week
But I believe things always change
Maybe this time

I have shut the window
Ready to defend
what is left to die for
what is left to give
All is about to wither
All is about you
Hard to make up your mind
Hard to get through to me

You gave away the love I gave

Time is what’s left over
when you’ve got time to waste
Funny how everything
falls into place once decisions are made

Butterfly are you ready to exhale
Swallow me whole or drown me in the pond
I want nothing more
than to smell you on my skin
and taste you in my mouth
When you’re gone
you’re still here